PROBLEMS IN TRANSLATIONS
By Andrei Dorian Gheorghe
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Different stars
in different contexts
give different inspiration
and are translated differently
by different people,
even by different astronomers…
But the stars are bright
for everyone!
(Andrei Dorian Gheorghe)
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Please consider this material as a useful life lesson for those who will undertake the task of translating astropoetry anthologies into English from other languages.
In the last almost 30 years, I have produced dozens of anthologies in English on behalf of the Romanian Society for Meteors and Astronomy, which I have published (especially online) in prestigious international circuits of astronomy, literature and science fiction, translating texts from Romanian by hundreds of authors.
Each time, so that there were no problems, I explained the conditions for making anthologies before starting to work on them (being open to preliminary discussions), and the results more or less satisfied everyone.
I never accepted any financial reward for all this, but on the contrary, I supported the SARM creation movement with a lot of money from my own limited pockets.
I always had problems translating rhyming astropoems, for which I had to apply special methods: faithful translations (no rhyme), rhyming translations (which inherently betrayed the original content but kept its spirit) or combined translations (the faithful content and no rhyme, and only the ending with rhyme).
Recently, however, I had a unique case: after on September 9, 11 and 12, 2024, I published in three parts ASTROPOETRY ANTHOLOGY OF SARM'S CAMP “ASTRONOMY AND FOLK TRADITIONS” on the Astronomers Without Borders website: a lady who is a beginner in astronomy, but a very good translator in English, was dissatisfied with the way I translated her lyrics and sent me her version of the translation.
Trying to be objective about the two translation visions, I would say that my version followed the original faithfully, but without rhyme, and only in the end I forced a rhyme, while her version was made with rhyme, definitely more “musical”, but sometimes implicitly a little further from the original.
As a sign of respect for this lady's work and for comparison, I reproduce her translation below:
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ASTROPOETIC TENTATIVES
By Suzana Stanescu
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ASTRO ADVICE
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I was told by Regulus:
Always look up to the sky!
But Antares scolded us:
Mind your steps, lest you will cry!
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CELESTIAL ACROBAT
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In my arms I hold the night,
To the stars I'm gazing tight,
I detest surrounding light,
I'm the Celestial Acrobat, alright?!
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From Big Dipper I hang shortly,
To Polaris I jump boldly,
In another realm I land
God, this is your mighty hand!
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Alternative:
On Alderamin I land,
With a flick-flack I come back.
#poetry